Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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