Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
