Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
