and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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