just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
