Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
