Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
