i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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