He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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