I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
