What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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