my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
