he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
