what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
