I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
