you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
