I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They have beer where we have blood.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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