The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
