Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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