I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no you cant smoke seaweed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
