I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
