I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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