Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
