Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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