i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
