Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
