Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
