hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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