sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
