He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
