They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
