So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
