the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
