sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We are all done wearing pants today
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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