yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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