Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
