I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
