i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
