Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
