Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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