I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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