I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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