why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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