Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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