Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
