he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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