I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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