I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Panties = found
Randomize
