found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
