Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
