My brain says no but my pants say off.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
