i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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