i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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