They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
